I made a list about a week ago of EVERYTHING that needed to get done between then and Sunday. It was a LONG list. A lot of it was normal everyday things- bake, clean, laundry, etc. Some of the things couldn't be done until a certain day which is always a bit frustrating for this list lover! I love lists, because when I get to CROSS things off, I get a sense of accomplishment, which is why I made the list in the first place! Hee hee!
We had to clean the house for small groups, cook and bake for certain things/people, errands to run, a lot of MOPS stuff to copy, turn in and prepare for, a doc appt and on and on..... Like I said, along with all this stuff, we had to add the normal grocery shopping and cleaning.
It is already Thursday and the list is getting smaller and messier by the day! Gosh! I haven't even begun to even THINK about packing. It'll happen. Probably not until Saturday. There are things that need to happen BEFORE then. The past week or two have been SO crazy and I'm wondering when will things slow down!
I'm tired and ready for a chance to sit and chill. Good thing I'm going on a vacation, huh? I'm still having anxiety and fear issues with leaving the boys. Its been a very painful process...one that I've had to give to God daily...and sometimes hourly. When I wrote this post, sadly, I was sobbing while writing it. I know God is working on me through this. I truly believe that God gave us this as a wonderful blessing and not a way to harm us or my family. Like I said, this is an issue I've been giving to God daily. Ever prayed and not received the answer right away? That is kinda what I've been working through.... the less I talk about it, the less I think about leaving and the less I have to "give" it to God. The more I talk about it, the more painful it is, because I do have to THINK about it and then satan rallies his troops and goes at me with a vengeance! I keep reminding myself of something I heard at BSF a few weeks ago- God isn't in the word F-E-A-R. God is the fruits of the Spirit- love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self control..... none of those things are ANYTHING like fear, huh? God is a God of love, and goodness and peace.... Sweet peace! What I am praying for is gentle, overflowing peace and that satan will not win. I also have been asking God to make satan flee from my mind. I know satan would love for nothing more than for me to not give God the glory for this trip or for Hubbie and I to not come back- stronger than ever and strengthened in God. I have news for satan. he will NOT win. God is more powerful and I will overcome my issue of fear. Now, does it make me nauseated, at times, to even plan for the cruise? Yes, but God is my strength when I am weak. He is not a God of fear....so I continue to give it over to God....and in reality, remind myself that I am not in control and must give my children over to God for protection....the place they should be all the time.
Whew! What a lesson..... so, continue to pray for my heart and mind and to have peace. 3 days until we leave. What a story this will be!
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2 thoughtful comments:
Praying peace over you. And remember (although it is quite difficult) that the kiddos are God's first; he loves them more than you could ever fathom! Love ya and thinking about you!
Praying that you will have peace and have a wonderful time! I totally get where you're coming from. But I also say that a free trip is a sure sign that God wants you to hand em' over! I love your heart :). I love you!
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