Growing Up Can Sometimes Stink

Over the last month or two I've slowly realized that I have grown up.  I think because I got married so young and everyone has always said I looked so young, I got so busy and never realized that I had gotten older.  I am only 27 yrs old- a "baby" compared to a lot of my friends, but I really want to know where the last 8 or 9 years have gone!

Not only have I realized that myself and Hubbie are getting older and slowly creeping up to our 30's, but also my grandparents and parents are aging.  My father's mother has dealt with cancer several times over the last 5 years, but every time her cancer has come back, I still never worried about her dying.  Maybe because her cancer is "worse" this time or so aggressive, but I have only started to think of her dying here recently.  I do believe God has a plan for her and she has an awesome testimony, but His plan may be to take her this time.  Now when my parents call me, I always worry that its "that call".  I know that sounds so morbid, but I am realizing that my grandparents are not going to be here forever.  I am so very very very thankful that my grandparents have been able to be apart of my life and my children's lives as much as they have, but this is life.   There is death.  It isn't suppose to be scary if you are a Christian, but it is sad to lose someone you love.

Then, the other day, I found out that another family member has cancer.  I don't think anyone knows how bad or what is the course of action, but still, when I found out, my heart just dropped.  Its so defeating to know that all these people that you love will be gone one day and you may be left.

The same day I found out that another loved one was diagnosed with cancer, my mother was always having back trouble.  I was kinda worried, because my mother isn't suppose to be having back pain.  She's so young and she walks and works out and works in her yard and on and on and on......  why is her body slowing down!?!  Ha!  I had to remember, that she isn't the same age as she was when I was at home... she is getting older.  She isn't old or decrepit,  but she and my father aren't spring chickens(they'll get a chuckle out of that!) and bodies are not made to last forever.

So, if I had a chance to go back to any age, I would go back to age 15 yrs old and listen to my parents!  Ha! I wouldn't trade my life, husband and children for anything, but I would definitely like to relive and change some of my decisions that I made when I was a teenager.  I think I could have avoided a few things, but I think I would have also enjoyed being a kid a little bit longer because this growing up thing kinda stinks and I am not ready to be an adult and feel the pain of losing such close family.

My whole life I have done everything very cautiously.  I don't do dare devilish things.  I play it very very safe.  I think about every thing that COULD happen and make a judgement call of the good and the bad.  I am very black and white.  If I can avoid pain in life, I do.  Too bad I can't avoid this kinda of pain.....  the pain of growing up.