Lack of Motivation

I've been in a funk lately.  At first, I was concerned it was depression.  Not a deep, dark depression, but just a gentle sadness or perhaps the "winter blues".  But I am convinced that it isn't either of those.  I am happy.  I am laughing and enjoying life- with my boys and my husband.  I have some of the greatest and sweetest friendships, the most supportive and wise parents and a family that I love.  I am excited it is Spring and the glorious SUN!!! and the promise of summer without the hustle and bustle of the school year and activities!

I think it is more of lack of motivation.  I am typically a very motivated individual.  You can ask anyone, but especially my husband, I am normally the one moving and grooving well past anyone's normal ability to move.  I can't sit down and relax until things are done and looking neat.  I am typically one who likes a neat and organized house before sitting down to retire at night.  But lately, I just am not motivated to do much of anything.  I have begun to blame it on the babe.  (Poor child!!!)  He has finally gotten on a schedule and I am TICKLED!  The crying out worked, once again, and I am thanking Jesus for a structure again!  I cannot tell you how happy and peaceful this makes my heart!  Every night I am not stuck in a chair nursing, or trying to tend to the baby.  Every night Hubbie is not walking up and down the hall trying to get Baby to settle.  We nurse and he is in bed by 8-8:30 every night and ASLEEP for HOURS.  It is a happy thing!  My husband and I can get things done or talk or watch movies or WHATEVER!!!  It really is nice to have our evenings again!  But, instead of doing things around the house or having time to myself to read or watch a movie, we are getting in bed and sleeping- for hours- and sleeping late too!  I am convinced that I am exhausted after months of late nights and waking up in the middle of the night to nurse.

In addition to being able to sleep for hours, I also think I am being molded and shaped and things are happening so that I begun to see a spiritual attack.  So many things have been thrown at me the last 6 mos and very slowly beliefs that I've had since childhood have started to crumble and I'm beginning to see my relationship with my Creator in a different light.  As far as the spiritual attack goes, it all began when we started to pray for peace on a schooling decision for Bubbie.  Once Hubbie and I had made a few decisions and began moving forward on those, I started getting blasted from all sides.  Satan brought anything and everything against me so that I would begin to doubt our decision and my ability.  To say the least, its been a very difficult month emotionally.  Inner turmoil from undergoing so many thoughts and belief changes and trying to stay focused and getting priorities straightened out... whew!  I am exhausted just typing!

Anyway, about 3 weeks ago, I told Hubbie that he and I must get away.  We are both exhausted from certain things going on since the end of 2009 and emotionally- we are just spent!  We need time to clear our heads and be able to regroup spiritually.  Unfortunately, we aren't able to do this right now.  Financially we are SPENT!  Trying to get this last debt paid off is our main goal for the year.  I know people discourage us doing this and also don't understand why we are so focused on this, but we truly do believe this is God's will for our lives.  We have been shown countless times that God does value our efforts towards this.  Even, just last week, God brought just enough $$ that we needed and it was in the most unexpected place.  I can't say it enough, God will bless you time and time again if you tithe and we give Him all the glory for being able to almost be out of debt.  Without Him, this would all be impossible!

So, because we cannot afford to get away and because the babe is still nursing, I am just asking for prayers- prayers for renewing and peace in decisions.  Prayers for satan to flee and for paths to become clear.  Prayers that I will have motivation to get things accomplished around the house!