Ramblings from the Womb

Last night, as Hubbie made his lunch for today, I sat in the kitchen chair and flipped through the calendar.  Ever since doing marriage counseling, 4 yrs ago, we have had "30 mins" which is basically 30 minutes that I get to discuss business.  We discuss appointments, the children, things that need to get done and our calendar.  I get Hubbie's undivided attention for 45 minutes to a hr 30 minutes!  It has worked out well!  The marriage counselors suggested this because I would tend to bring up "business" items all day and every day.  This didn't give Hubbie a chance to really discuss items or even think about them.  My mind tends to work VERY quickly.  Hubbie has to think and mull over things and really, the only chance he gets to think is when he's running, so sometimes if we do do 30 minutes, things have to be "tabled" because we just don't know.

Anyway, yesterday while we were having a impromptu meeting, I slowly began to flip through the calendar.  Each month turned into me going through the year- deeper and deeper and before I knew it, I was at December.  Then my heart stopped.  There is black ink on December 4th said "Bubbie's 6th Birthday".  And then 15 days later, December 19th read "Peanut's 3rd Birthday".  I quickly turned back to September 15th and I had to catch my heart before it dropped into my stomach and it read "Bean's 1st Birthday".

Oh my! is right!   In just a few short months my baby will be a year.  How has this happened?  Where has time gone?  I feel like most days just FLY by and I wonder what have we done?!  Oh yes, naps, meals, diapers, playing and the day is gone- a day I can never get back.....  frozen in time in their little brains.....

Then I realized what that calendar held and represented...the future....the sad realization that my baby will be 1 in  less than 6 mos and that my first born, whom I brought home so very naive and stupid, will be 6 in less than 9 mos.... ACK!  I quickly told Hubbie what my heart was doing inside my chest.  It was breaking!  And then I uttered the words no father of 3 wants to hear.....  "My babies will be all grown up!  I won't have a baby anymore!"  And Hubbie saw the look on my face and it meant TERROR!!!!

Disclaimer: No, mother, we are not pregnant nor are we "trying"!