Last Saturday

Last Saturday, Hubbie spent the afternoon outside.  Since we moved in, we've been slowly tackling the very large "to-do" list.  When we purchased the house, we knew we had quite a lot of work to do, but its been slow going.  Life just gets hectic and with everyone need's, it takes a lot for Hubbie to have time to do anything around here.  That afternoon, he was scrubbing the wood around the house in preparation for another coat of paint.  The kids were having a great time outside.  It was such a beautiful day- sunny, breezy and pleasant.  Hubbie had just sent the kids back inside because he was going to begin to use some bleach.  The kids decided to sit at the table and color.  I was at the computer desk in the kitchen and a few seconds after Hubbie shut the door, our window in the french doors popped and began to crack.  It was unreal.  We had no clue what had happened.  I instantly assumed it was some type of temperature change or the glass had already been compromised and something knocked it and it broke.  Then, Hubbie felt the whiz of "another one" beside him and he heard "it" hit the side of the house.  We knew it was SOMEONE and not something.  A neighbor had hit our window and our house with a bb gun pellet.  We immediately called the cops.  That did absolutely NOTHING.  The cop even said that if the neighbor had "weapons" she didn't want to go over there alone.  I am still horrified at that statement.  And this is after the cop sat at the end of the street trying to figure out where our house was.  Again, HORRIFIED at this.  What if we were REALLY IN DANGER?!  Geez!  Anyway, Hubbie hollered out HEY! when the second "bullet" whizzed by him.  We haven't seen anyone out in the backyard since.  We did file a report and the cops labeled it as "vandalism".  Since Saturday, we've been wrestling with helplessness, fear, worry, frustration, anger.... the kids have too.  We can't use the backdoor because it'll take a week for the new glass to be ordered and installed, so we are having to busy ourselves at area parks and lots of walks.  The kids are scared and want to move.  They don't want to play out back.  I'm scared that our "carefree" ways of sending the kids out to play for hours is gone.  I'm scared about "what could have happened"  I'm nervous because when its usually so nice, I leave the back door open ALL DAY LONG and sit baby girl by the door to listen to her brothers playing outside.  We do school on the deck- in front of the door that got hit.

This has definitely been a difficult week.  I've been filled with many emotions.  I've been paralyzed with fear at moments and completely broken and angry that it happened.  I knew I should thank Jesus for protecting our family.  It could have been SO MUCH worse....but I was having such a hard time for thanking Jesus.  I'm ashamed, but its the truth.  When I heard my children start to make comments such as "I'm scared"  or "I don't want to live here"  or "Why would someone want to kill me?" I knew I couldn't do this alone.  I've been praying for protection.  I've been praying for peace.  I've been praying for the neighbors that hit us.  I've been praying for the Lord to use His mighty power to resolve this issue QUICKLY.  I've even been praying that the people would move.  LOL  When the window gets fixed, I won't have the excuse to not allow the kids outside and thats when the testing will really begin.  I realize that my actions and thoughts are silly, but the sin of {fear} is definitely an issue of mine....and this struck deep deep down inside of me.

Please pray with me for the Lord to resolve this issue quickly.

The last few days have rocked my world.  Its sad, really, how it takes something to happen and make me feel helpless- reminds me to fall to my knees and look to Him.  If life is going great, I tend to not pray as fervently as I do when I'm scared and shaken.  I am reminded that I need to be completely dependent on Him.  

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Monday was probably the hardest day.  Hubbie went back to work.  I felt like we were being watched.  Attacked.  I was anxious.  My mind went crazy with "what ifs" and satan was in control of my mind and heart.  My beautiful sister in law sent me this: 

 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."               Phil 4:6-7

And I was flooded with emotions as I read this.  I felt like I was in a battle.  I would read it, try to recite it to myself and pray that verse and a verse that I've read and heard a 1000x -I would forget it.  I was completely taken over by anxious thoughts.  I finally wrote the verse down so I could look at it.  I felt like the Lord had used Jana and sent me that verse.  I began to pray that verse aloud.  I began to talk about it with my children.  We read it over and over again as if Jesus was in the room and we were commanding satan to leave.  

Once I was able to get over the initial shock, I was able to sit and think about all that I had to be thankful for, I was overwhelmed with emotions of thankfulness for safety, provisions and answered prayers.  This week I've been completely surrounded by needs of others.  It seems like everyday someone is mentioning someone that is definitely in need or that has it "worse" off than me.  Again, seeing that He is indeed good even when I don't understand why things happen.    I think I sometimes have false securities- my husband has a job, live in a good part of town, car is in good condition, food on the table, health, etc. so I begin to quite depending on Him.  

1. ’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus, Just to take Him at His Word; Just to rest upon His promise, And to know, “Thus saith the Lord!” Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!  How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er; Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus! Oh, for grace to trust Him more!
2. Oh, how sweet to trust in Jesus, Just to trust His cleansing blood; And in simple faith to plunge me ’Neath the healing, cleansing flood!
3. Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus, Just from sin and self to cease; Just from Jesus simply taking Life and rest, and joy and peace.
4. I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee, Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend; And I know that Thou art with me, Wilt be with me to the end.