Hubbie and I were both working full time jobs and our dearest first born son was being cared for by his loving grandparents. It killed me to take our son anywhere else, but me staying home was never an option. We had too much debt.
Ya see, when we were first married, in June 2002, we had big dreams and big plans for our life! We planned to travel and to move to another part of the country (which we still hope to do). We wanted all the latest gadgets and gizmos and I wanted to spend money freely- such as our horribly expensive, crappy car whose interest was some insane amount and depreciated 10,000 as soon as we drove off the lot. The problem was was that we didn't have the money to afford everything we wanted and needed. Hubbie was finishing his associates degree and working two jobs in the evenings and on weekends. I was working full time and we were both bringing in just a little bit over minimum wage.... definitely not a lavish lifestyle, but it didn't matter to us, because we had PLANS! Our big, wonderful plan was to put anything we NEEDED on credit, to live off student loans and once Hubbie graduated and got this "AWESOME" job {that we kept hearing that he would get} we would pay off the debt that we had racked up. Children were not anywhere in the near future! We wanted to wait at least 5 yrs... pay off the debt, buy a home and be comfortable so that I could stay home! That was our main goal!
Once Hubbie graduated, the job market, in our area and in Hubbie's field started to tank. He could not find a job that had promised such a nice lifestyle a few years earlier. We were devastated and all the debt hung over us! By this point, we decided that Hubbie should return to school and work on his bachelor's degree and he was given an opportunity to work at a large plant in the area under a "school-to-work" grant. The pay was much better than any other job and had the potential to become permanent.
Hubbie's school suffered and our marriage wasn't good. We had good moments, but we were lacking communications. Hubbie also lacked motivation and didn't want to do much else than sit in front of the computer and play games. This was a major issue for us because I felt like I wasn't being heard or understood or listened too. Everything suffered. The job at the plant didn't not stay permanent. The grant was out of money and Hubbie was out of work. He decided to take a job at a car dealership selling vehicles. I begged him not to take it, but again, we were two different ships sailing opposite directions. He wasn't happy and neither was I.
During this time, I had a stable job at several health care facilities. I enjoyed working and making money, but felt so empty and alone and wished Hubbie would wake up - literally, he slept ALL the time- and just pay attention to me!
Shortly after this, I found out that I was expecting. Hubbie drove to several stores, late on Easter Sunday, trying to find a pregnancy test so I could confirm the news. Sure enough, it was and I cried. Not because I didn't want the baby, but because I didn't want the baby NOW. I remember Hubbie and I crying and asking all kinds of "what ifs" for the remainder of the evening.
Since there was nothing I could do about the pregnancy, I began to get excited and to plan, as best I could. Hubbie on the other hand, felt trapped and scared. We, of course, took it out on one another and fought constantly. We fought about his job. We fought about money. We fought about bills. It was so much stress and I just knew I was going to miscarry.
Right before Bubbie was born, Hubbie was able to get a good, stable and permanent job at a factory in town. It was physical labor. Not the best working conditions, but it was a job and it was steady and good income. I was thrilled, but I still had to work which was a huge weight on my shoulders. Who would watch our baby? How would we ever survive with all these bills? We were still using the credit card and some months we weren't tithing.
Once Bubbie came along, I just knew everything would get better in our family, but Hubbie still lacked motivation and hated his job. He was always tired and I didn't feel as though I could trust him watching our son on some of his off days! My whole life revolved around stress.... stress of worrying if the baby was screaming and his Daddy didn't hear him, stress of my husband missing his job that evening because I had to work late and drive across town and pick up the baby and he wasn't answering his phone, stress of dealing with family issues that were beyond my control..... the stress was enormous. The only thing that I worked for was my precious baby boy! I finally had someone that needed me and I smothered him with love and affection. We did everything together when I was off of work and he was my buddy!
Now, I don't say all this to throw Hubbie under the bus, I also wasn't a gem to live with. I nagged and fussed and fought right along side of my husband. I didn't know how to get "through" to him and get him "plugged" in and I was hopeless. I just wanted to be happy and spent money so that I would be, but it was only a temporary fix until I saw the bills at the end of the month. We could still afford the monthly payments, so I didn't worry!
Shortly after Bubbie was born, the bank that I was working at went through a conversion. We received VERY nice bonus packages from the former owners AND the new owners for staying with the bank through conversion and for staying up to a year with the bank. We used this month to pay off Hubbie's credit cards, that were maxed out and to pay off Bubbie's bills from the hospital birth. Its times like these, that I looked back and wondered, why didn't it dawn on us to continue to pay off debt?! We were so smart to do that... why didn't it click?!
In the Fall of 2005 and like I said, the hiccups of all our mistakes began to fall on us and we were buried. Hubbie suffered with kidney stones and at the plant that he was working at, you could only miss so many hours within a year period and if you missed an extra one, etc, you were fired... no questions, no excuses, etc. Well, one day I was driving to get Bubbie after work and Hubbie called me, in pain, saying that we couldn't go to work. He had a kidney stone. LOVELY, I thought. How in the world were we gonna recover from this?! I was angry and upset. I felt abandoned on this life of mine. I felt like Hubbie was letting me and Bubbie down. Why couldn't he "suck it up" for a few hours and go to work so that we would have his income? It didn't matter. We hung up and I was in a daze. I think I was in a daze for about a week after that. I was numb. I didn't know what we were going to do. Its not like recruiters were banging on his door, begging him to come work in his "degreed" department. Sure enough, Hubbie was fired and we were done to one income- mine- less than $25,000 a year, maybe..... and we had about $50,000 in debt. Yup! We were in a mess!
The fighting, of course, got worse. My feelings were hurt and I pestered Hubbie over and over again about searching for a job, etc. I felt as if he didn't take the situation seriously enough. Hubbie did eventually get a job, but during that time, having to max out credit cards and do a lot of financing of our monthly lives- robbing Peter to pay Paul- was humiliating. I felt like a failure. I was so angry at Hubbie for letting me down. And I, like an awful wife, let him know it. I can still remember the evening that I made sure he knew how badly he had failed as a man, a husband and a father. Tears sting my eyes when I think about how horribly I treated my husband. I heard my inner voice telling me to BE QUIET, but I ignored it. He hurt me and I wanted to hurt him back. I felt like the weight of the world was on MY shoulders and it was not fair. That night I was planning on maxing out our last credit card in order to pay rent for the next month. The future looked bleak and Hubbie had NOT gotten the new job.
A few weeks later, Hubbie was offered that job. I was thrilled...... until I found out what the pay would be. We would be taking a HUGE cut. Hubbie would be bringing home about 1/2 of what he had been making. I was devastated. Why were we given a job at such a low pay grade? We couldn't live off of what we would be bringing in. I did our bills and we would NOT make it. We could pay all of our bills, but we would have no money left in order to eat, fill up our car, etc. I was so upset. We were still doomed!
The evening that Hubbie brought home his first paycheck was the beginning of a new life for us. I flew off the handle when I saw exactly how much little the check really was. It was NOT going to cover the bills coming in. I felt hopeless. What was I suppose to do? I was a mother, wanting to be home with my son, but yet, I was working 40 hrs a week from M-F and then picking up every Saturday that I could so that we could make ends meet. And after all those hours, it still wouldn't cover our bills. We had another heated conversation. I yelled. Hubbie yelled. I threatened with divorce and bankruptcy. Hubbie told me he'd give me a divorce and that is how we ended our conversation that night. I called my mother, crying. I knew our marriage was over and I just wanted it all to be over. I wanted anyone and everyone to take away my pain. My financial pain. My marriage failure pain. I didn't care anymore.
The next morning, the Saturday before Thanksgiving 2005, my Dad called. He told me that they had set up a counseling session with a couple at their church. We were to meet them later that afternoon. I will never forget that first counseling session. We cried. We held hands the entire time. I think we both knew that if this didn't work, we were heading for divorce and bankruptcy. No use ignoring the issue. Something had to change. We talked about how our expectations of our marriage hadn't panned out and how hurt we were about how our marriage had played out. We had a lot of issues that we just needed to discuss.... kindly.... we began to see this couple every week for about two months. We learned several good technics on how to handle the money stress, our marriage and both working stresses and even family issues that we had going on. I think during those sessions, we began to see that we both wanted the same thing.
After that first session, life got easier. We began to do our home work. We began to work on our finances. I enrolled in a consumer credit counseling service and they were able to lower my interest rates and combine my payments for all my credit cards. The payments became a little bit more bearable.
A month later my parents put together a Dave Ramsey-FPU course at their church. We learned how to budget. We learned how to respect each other and communicate. We fell in love again... with life and with each other. Through FPU and marriage counseling, we became a family for the first time. We began to feel God's forgiveness and grace in our lives. Life became good, because we were content and growing in God and in His love. Life was still tough financially. We struggled through the first few months, but we loved the financial freedom that we felt for the first time in our marriage. We were finally living off of what we were making. The credit cards had been cut up. And its strange to say, but I look back on those early months of struggling with this new living and we were genuinely happy. Things were TIGHT! We didn't eat out. We didn't buy ANY extras! No make up! No chips and cokes! Toothpaste from the dollar store. It was BARE-NECESSITIES! But we were self sufficient and relying on Him! And content.
I write all this, not because I want to embarrass my husband or myself, but to tell others that God has a most beautiful plan for our life. He had one for mine. If we had not gone through those really dark days, I wouldn't know the Lord like I do today. For me, I needed to go through those dark times, to be able to see clearly. I had always believed in prayer and the power of the Lord, but it wasn't until I felt God's forgiveness, that I realized that I was loved. I grew up in church and in a very loving and Christian home, but for some reason, I never understood that God wasn't a score keeper. He wasn't keep track of the Sunday services that I was missing or why I hadn't tithed in months. I was being disobedient by not doing either of those, but, He wanted me more and it took going through a really miserable time, for me to see why I needed my Savior.
Once we began to practice good stewarding of God's gifts, blessings started to flow. I don't know if I could ever go back and tally all of them up, but God IS faithful and the Scriptures are so true
"Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it."
God is faithful and He did pour His blessings upon our family. We worked our booties off.... working several jobs, weekends, continuing to not splurge on non-necessities, vacations, etc. And it paid off. Paying off the car almost 2 yrs early was a complete answer to prayer. I was then able to stay at home with my sons, by this time we were pregnant with Peanut. Things in our life began to fall into place and we could see God's handiwork in our lives, our marriage and our family.
Its been 5 yrs and 6 mos since beginning this new journey and wild ride and we still fall down. We still get greedy and want things and wish and fuss! We are human and get the "iwantas" just like everyone else! I am still trying to learn the art of contentment!
As of September 24, 2010, we have finished with our Step 2 and are officially DEBT FREE! We've "paid for" two babies, car repairs/new cars, a tiny vacation here and there and a lot of other medical bills and $50,000 in debt!
Next step is to go on VACATION!!! Ever since we've gotten married, we've never gone away for longer than a day or two. When this debt is gone, we are too! We are going somewhere NICE for a week for relaxation and family celebration!!!
The second step is to build up our emergency fund! 3-6 months of living expenses. This is so that we won't be tempted to go back to our old friends- the credit cards!
And then the final step before owning a home will be to save up 20% for the down payment. This is probably take a little while and be harder than paying off the debt for the last few years, but its something we really feel like we should do. Keep your fingers crossed for us!
Well, our plan wasn't God's plan. As you can see, its all been crossed out. :o) God had a few surprises for us and we actually bought our first home on June 27th, 2011.
It all started at the end of March. We were prepared to stay another year in our rental home. We were concerned about the size and adding another person, but the location and what we were paying monthly was great, so we took a few drives to look at rental homes, but nothing serious. We had until April 1st to sign our "intent to vacate" forms...... We were scared to death. Never had we signed an "intent to vacate" without a home awaiting us. This was an extremely tense time of decision making and dependence on God. I cried. I prayed. I cried and prayed until I couldn't think of words to say. We questioned ourselves. We just knew there had to be a home out there that we could afford to rent but we couldn't find it. Around the end of April, we figured we had only one choice. We couldn't find a suitable and inexpensive enough home to rent. We really did believe that we would be renting an *expensive* two bedroom apartment for six months and then get back on the housing search after Millie arrived in the beginning of July. God had the most beautiful plan of faithfulness. We provided us the money to put a 20% down payment down on the house. He provided a home in the exact area of town that we needed.
Hubbie and I have a special spot in our hearts to help mentor and counsel other couples going through similar struggles as we have gone through. Our door is always open to help work on budgets, answer questions or just be a sounding board! We may tell you something you don't want to hear, but its nothing we haven't already done ourselves! We know its hard to take that first step toward financial freedom, but I do know that God is a faithful and loving Father. I truly believe that verse-
One day Hubbie and I hope to become certified to help couples going through financial disasters and to help coach.
Its been 5 yrs and 6 mos since beginning this new journey and wild ride and we still fall down. We still get greedy and want things and wish and fuss! We are human and get the "iwantas" just like everyone else! I am still trying to learn the art of contentment!
As of September 24, 2010, we have finished with our Step 2 and are officially DEBT FREE! We've "paid for" two babies, car repairs/new cars, a tiny vacation here and there and a lot of other medical bills and $50,000 in debt!
Well, our plan wasn't God's plan. As you can see, its all been crossed out. :o) God had a few surprises for us and we actually bought our first home on June 27th, 2011.
It all started at the end of March. We were prepared to stay another year in our rental home. We were concerned about the size and adding another person, but the location and what we were paying monthly was great, so we took a few drives to look at rental homes, but nothing serious. We had until April 1st to sign our "intent to vacate" forms...... We were scared to death. Never had we signed an "intent to vacate" without a home awaiting us. This was an extremely tense time of decision making and dependence on God. I cried. I prayed. I cried and prayed until I couldn't think of words to say. We questioned ourselves. We just knew there had to be a home out there that we could afford to rent but we couldn't find it. Around the end of April, we figured we had only one choice. We couldn't find a suitable and inexpensive enough home to rent. We really did believe that we would be renting an *expensive* two bedroom apartment for six months and then get back on the housing search after Millie arrived in the beginning of July. God had the most beautiful plan of faithfulness. We provided us the money to put a 20% down payment down on the house. He provided a home in the exact area of town that we needed.
To read more, go here PART 1 http://www.hyperactivelu.com/2011/04/our-quest-for-home.html
To read more, go here PART 2 http://www.hyperactivelu.com/2011/05/our-quest-for-home-part-2.html
To read more, go here PART 3 http://www.hyperactivelu.com/2011/05/our-quest-for-home-part-3.html
To finish off the story, go here PART 4 http://www.hyperactivelu.com/2011/05/our-quest-for-home-part-4.html
Hubbie and I have a special spot in our hearts to help mentor and counsel other couples going through similar struggles as we have gone through. Our door is always open to help work on budgets, answer questions or just be a sounding board! We may tell you something you don't want to hear, but its nothing we haven't already done ourselves! We know its hard to take that first step toward financial freedom, but I do know that God is a faithful and loving Father. I truly believe that verse-
"The rich rule over the poor and the borrower is servant to the lender."
One day Hubbie and I hope to become certified to help couples going through financial disasters and to help coach.
We are doing all these crazy things and "living like no one else" so that one day we will truly "LIVE LIKE NO ONE ELSE" and those words are music to my ears and it will be a sweet, sweet day when we have truly achieved financial freedom!
To learn more about FPU and Dave Ramsey's ministry, you can go here.
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