Change After 30 Years

Out of respect for my family and honoring the parts of my story that are intermingled with theirs, I do not post a lot about what is going on in our lives. Close personal friends know more of the nitty gritty details and my range of emotions that I've become acquainted with over the last year. But my husband is really the only one who knows the depths of sorrow, grief, pain and heartbreak that my heart has held in over the last year.  

My parents have sold their home of over 30 yrs and will move across town. The process has been grueling, but not without the Lord's hands being clearly displayed for all of us to see.  The Lord has orchestrated so many details of care on my parent's behalf.  We are grateful.

As we have watched them weed through so many memories and pack up their lives, I have been focused on the task at hand.  I think the processing of saying goodbye to this home will come later.  Life is busy right now though. Busier than ever and I don't like it one bit. Part of those emotions listed above is my way of trying to come to process the amount of life on my plate.  The fact that nothing seems peaceful or easy and yet requires so much is the season we are in.  

As the family and I looked over the home beginning to look less like my parents home and more like a never ending task, I began to see my life within those walls.  

We moved into this home in the 90s. After moving across the country.  As I am an adult, thinking back over that time in our lives, it was like starting over again.  New career for Dad.  A few way of living for mom, as a homeschooling mother.  Hours away from what us kids had ever known.  Counseling, 30 years later, helped me to see how devastating that move was to me.  Yet I found solace in this place, called home. I remember getting lost in books, while eating grapes, on my bed. I remember listening to countless hours of WLPE with Charles Stanley in the mornings,  Rush Limbaugh in the afternoons and episodes of Adventure in Odyssey, in the evenings,  on the small, under the counter radio, in the kitchen. I remember fun times with grandparents around the kitchen table, playing games, listening to stories and learning the art of "the less I talk, the more I learn" from my grandmother as she would talk and the more details about strangers I would hear and tid bits about family gossip. I saw the beauty of my parents relationships with the Lord in their commitment, as they woke early each morning to spend time with the Lord. I saw my mother lean on the Lord in various ways, as we began to homeschool.  The back bedroom door had its fair share of being slammed by yours truly.  Laughter and secrets shared with sweet friends, the best of friends that the Lord brought into my life, on my bed in that back room.  Sweet family meals shared around the table.  Lots of guests invited in.  I remember the way my parents would linger around the table after dinner as they would talk about their day.  So much of who I am was formed in this home..  

I left my parents home a long time ago though.  We were married when I was 20.  I've been gone for 21 years.  And my parents home has gone through renovations.  The house is no longer the same that it once was but it still holds sweet memories.  The gardens have gotten prettier.  The landscaping more picturesque.  Countless hours spent making this place a home and exactly what Mom and Dad wanted it to be.

As I said goodbye for the last time to that house on the corner, I realized that my life in that home was good.  Life, once I left that sweet home, became hard.  I became an adult.  I made decisions and adulthood became real.  We got married.  We had jobs, worked through changes and schooling and all the things you do when you begin life as a newly married couple.  Then baby came, and more babies.  Life for me became more focused inside my own house and less in my parents home, as it should be.  For my parents, the home was probably different, more personal, but for me that little house on the hill will always have a special place in my heart.  

Second Generation Homeschooler

My mom gave me a few of her old reading lists and some book reports, a while back, from when we were homeschooled. Dated 1997.  

As I look through all her hand written notes, I am filled with admiration for my mother.  She didn't have Google or Amazon.com to order books. She only had a handful of curriculum options and most were made for private schools. She would have to wait for catalogs or call and get information on things she may have heard about, through word of mouth.  She didn't have podcasts and blogs, periscope and oodles of support groups and co-op options. She had the library and she spent hours researching, studying and planning. She had a small homeschool organization so she had fellowship with other moms, on skate days, and we had groups and classes to join, a local basketball team, etc. This was homeschooling in the 90s. 

While my parents weren't necessarily "pioneers" of the movement, there weren't many homeschooling in the South in 1992 when we first started. No one knew what it was.  Several kids in youth group really thought we sat around and watched tv and ate bon-bons.  Grass is always greener!  

As my parents began the journey, my brothers and I were given a front row seat to learn acceptance and love.  I learned about showing others respect, rather quickly, by watching others voice their opinions of my parents schooling choices, freely, without being asked. Often without much kindness. My parents never once argued or fussed or pointed fingers or judged others. They always showed love. They may have not felt love, but they never showed us the hurt.  They stood their ground and from my point of view, as a child, I saw my parents lean in close to the Father as they continued to be obedient to His calling. 

My parents, like so many others, were trail blazers and changed the "face of homeschooling" in this nation.  I am blessed, as a second generation homeschooler.  We are all blessed with technology and all the options that we have, no matter what schooling decisions we choose for our family!  So many things to choose from!  So many options for homeschoolers!  So often, we say no to opportunities in order TO stay home to HOMESCHOOL!  What a privilege and a blessing!   I didn't step into homeschooling lightly though.  I knew what it was like- the good and the bad and the ugly.  I knew my children were just as sinful as I had been/am.  I knew there would be hard days.   I thought long and hard about the decision, despite my husband's urging for us to head into home education, because I knew it wasn't what we dream up.  While I didn't grow up wanting to homeschool my children, once I was out of the home, I realized how much my parents sacrificed in order to follow the Lord's nudging.  

My admiration and respect for my mother grew as I began our own journey, not knowing where it would lead and how long it would last and it continues to grow, with each passing day, as I faithfully trudge through our days.  Day by day, I am reminded that I have been entrusted four precious souls.  Souls that have a purpose and a plan.  While I may not be equipped to teach them everything that they need to know and to meet each and every need and I fail daily, with a bad attitude, lack of consistency, losing my temper and let my own selfishness govern my decisions, I do know the Father that not only encourages me, guides me, forgives me but he also equips me.  I also know that no one loves our children more than we do.  No one wants our children to succeed in what God has/will place on their hearts more than we do.  No one else wants our children to follow after God's heart, like we do.   I consider it a privilege and a blessing to be a second generation homeschooler.  Little did my parents know that by them being faithful and obedient, despite obstacles and family and friend's disapproval, that their decision would impact their grandchildren.  My parents homeschooled 3 children.  They now have 8 grandchildren being homeschooled as of today.

  

Part of Me....

I haven't verbalized much of what I've been going through since May.  I haven't wanted to blog.  I've enjoyed Instagram.  I like the ease and doing it all from my phone.  But to put it bluntly, for the 2 or 3 people that still read my blog(that may be an exaggeration) I've been sick.  Its very discouraging to talk about and even more difficult to live through pain and discomfort each and every day.  Its a hard pill to swallow.  I hate the lack of answers from the medical community.  I hate having to rely on the medical community that seems stumped and confused and helpless.  So, thats what I live.  And because of not leaving the house as much as normal, for such a long period of time, I was gifted the opportunity do to a lot of reading, podcast listening, praying and studying, a lot of solitude while my sweet and self-less husband has taken over much of the household and childcare responsibilities on the bad days.  I say gifted because I'm choosing to see this as a gift from the Lord.  A trial.  A bump.  Something I (Lord willing) will look back on, years from now, and say "See what God can do!" because I am believing that one day, I will be healed.  For those of you, that I know do care, and want to help, and perhaps want to suggest ideas,  I've had testing done.  I've gone to docs.   I've tried elimination diet.  I've read and thought and talked and researched until Hubbie and I are exhausted.  After the last testing, I took a break from it all.  I didn't plan on it.  I didn't discuss it.  I just did it.  I was done.  I think the Lord lead me into that decision without me aware that I needed that break from the constant thinking.   The constant trying and crying.  The pain and discomfort hasn't gotten better.  Some days have been awful.  But it hasn't gotten worse, so I'm choosing to set aside the "fight" for a moment to just be and breathe.  And its been nice.

During this season, part of the sin of fear and anxiety and worry has reared its ugly head.  I see how much of it has affected me and how it actually makes my "issues" worse.  I can look back and see how much of our time away, in Mississippi, I was just a bundled of anxiety and fear.  Lots of worry.  A whole'lotta stress.  And a ton of loneliness.  While walking through this pain and praying for healing, I've been doing a lot of yoga, pilates, running/walking, herbs and supplements to help.  In addition to this, I've been able to do a lot of thinking.  I think its thinking- putting two and two together and being able to fully start with a thought and finishing it -that has been new and different.  It doesn't sound amazing...and its not like "think about what we're having for dinner" and then decide and move on.  Its the kind of deep thinking that brings you into enlightenment (and I don't mean funky spiritual awakening stuff) and conviction and a realization of something spiritual.  Such as hearing a sermon on Sunday and taking notes.  Then dwelling on those notes on Monday.  Then thinking of how that applies to me and putting action behind those thoughts, etc. and then hearing those repeated messages again and again and again.  Its to the point of "OK.  I cannot ignore this!"  While thinking and dwelling on promptings from the Holy Spirit isn't new- there have been good sermons that have stayed with me, promptings from the Holy Spirit, etc. but the frequency that I'm experiencing this is new for me. I feel like once I allowed myself to think when my body was still, because I was too tired to move or because I felt just too darn bad, it began to happen.  And its happened all Summer.  I've even had dreams about things that I haven't thought about in years.  And ah! ha! moments on things that I've been dwelling on for a while.  I've been able to move through past hurts and really deal with things.  Not just think about why something hurt, but to really figure out what feelings and see how I responded- whether good or bad.  I feel like the Lord has been bringing my thoughts full circle.  I'm able to be reminded of something, think through a situation and then doing the most random things- like driving around town- and bam! I have an "awakening" of why something happened that way.  I've been able to fully express my feelings to my husband and again, its been freeing.  I hope this doesn't sound loopy and maybe I'm just writing this for me so that I can remember that even though I'm not feeling better, like I had hoped, by this point, God is working.

So, the main reason why I decided to blog this was because of something I watched on Periscope.  Originally, when everyone on Instagram talked about Periscope, I thought it was the stupidest idea.  I even downloaded it and tried to figure it out and still thought "this is crazy!"  Now that I've been on it for a few weeks and following more ppl, I gotta say, its kinda cool!  Anyway, back to Periscope.  I have been watching Emily P. Freeman do these book studies as she walks through her latest book Simply Tuesdays.  This past week was one of those "enlightening" moments (It sounds so hokey!)  I should back up.  I don't know when it was, but at least a month ago there was a sermon with the message of, and I'm paraphrasing, on reaching people, wherever you- being the light, even in your neighborhood, etc.  That sermon really stuck with me.  I don't know why because as a Christian, I've heard that message plenty of times.  But, maybe it was because of me not needing to go anywhere, but where God has placed me, I can show love to those around me.... like I mentioned above, it really stayed with me all day, I dwelled on the message during my quiet time and again, little sermons that I would listen to online or podcasts or my BSF study that week.... everything allowed me to fully embrace the message that I felt like the Holy Spirit was trying to convict me or encourage me with.  So, fast forward to this past week, Emily walked us through this particular chapter.  She said, and I'm paraphrasing again, that in whatever your daily "Tuesday" is... whomever you come in contact with, "see everyone as Jesus sees them".  Of course, this isn't a new concept in Christianity or it shouldn't be but I've never thought about looking past the actions of those I come in contact with.... not as a flawed human being or as a rude person or a believer or non-believer.  The idea of approaching without necessarily having a reason is hard for me.  I don't enjoy it.  Put me in a small group and I'm fine and enjoy it and I'll talk your ear off.  Make me walk into a group and having to strike up a conversation with strangers... or even with acquaintances, I don't enjoy it, makes me uncomfortable and I'd rather run home, put on PJS and snuggle down for the night!   BUT when I put on the lenses of Jesus, and walk into a group, I'm able to forget about how I feel and how I don't enjoy this.  I can look beyond my uncomfortable and truly see that lonely mother or that sad grocery clerk or whatever.  If I can see each and every person, exactly how Jesus sees them, in that very moment, as a loved child of the Heavenly Father, them I can forget how stupid I may feel.  To go out of the way for someone else to feel the love of Jesus, thats not a new concept but I feel like the new "ah ha!" moment was the heart of it.  Its not about serving.  Its not about earning.  Its not about pleasing.  Its about loving.  Loving others because that person is loved, just like I am, by the Living God that has adopted ME and brought ME into HIS family.  And when I focus on that, I'm able to do so much more and gives me the freedom to love like Jesus.

While driving down the road, one day this week, I began to think on this idea of loving others like Jesus would (Again, I know its not a new message, but go with me on this) and the Lord began to bring people, from my life, into my mind, that intentionally went out of their way to love others like Jesus would.  The sweet people that the Lord reminded me of were people that loved others exactly where they were, they didn't try to rush them off to church to be saved... they washed feet, they ate meals, they entertained them and their families....  these people didn't ask for anything in return.  What these folks offered was friendship and relationship.  And they shined their light.  I also see how family loved others.  Both sets of my grandparents loved others so well.  They both opened their homes, cared about people and loved others.  I can look back and see (and I know they do this to this day) how my parents were intentional with others, looking for ways to help those hurting around them.  I come from a long line of people that love others the way Jesus would.  I've benefited from others around me, whether from growing up or from even in my adulthood, that love people well and loved me and my family well.  Right where we were.  Didn't matter what the situation or where we went to church or how chaotic our life was.  They just loved us.

So, I don't really have a point to all this necessarily because I'm pretty sure this is a concept that everyone else has figured out but its just one of those things that have been on my heart.  And I'm thinking it must be pretty big for me, since the Lord continues to bring it up, in multiple areas.

I'm finish with one last thought- the first week of Bible Study Fellowship, we were asked "What do you hope to get out of the study of Revelation this year?"  Its funny, because yet again, this was something I had already felt like the Lord has pricked my heart during another Sermon.  I have been praying for revival in my heart and life.  And I truly believe thats what the Lord has been doing through the series of events, since May.  Maybe it won't bring about physical healing.  And maybe, for the rest of my life, I'll be dealing with the issues.  I'm at the point that I'm just not OK with that.  I'm working on it.  And I've been given the most amazing husband to go with me on this journey.  But I know the Lord is walking with me.  I've seen His hand.  Time and time again.  And I'm thankful.  Revival.  That is what I want.  Revival in my heart.  In my home.  In my family.  In my community.  Perhaps revival to me means to love better.  To love like Jesus.  To seek to love others around me.  Right where I am placed, in this season of motherhood, homeschooling, etc.  I'm seeing how wonderful a book, like Revelations is to study and read, with revival on your heart and mind.  Only with revival and repentance can I truly walk free.

Maybe this issue I'm having has less to do with the pain and issues and more to do with what is in my heart and what God can show me while I lean in on Him.  I am thankful to be on the other side of "why" and always asking "why" and moving into (very slowly) the "Ok.  If this is my reality, how can I serve and walk with Him, fully, if this is my situation?"

Our New Curriculum Ideas and Homeschooling Thoughts for 2015-2016

A school year is ending, which means that this Mama is on the hunt!  Curriculum!  Yay!  In a way, thoughts of a new year brings a renewed sense of hope, fresh ideas and possibilities!

Ya see, we've been doing the same curriculum and time period of history for over 2 yrs now.  Not only that but we have also been doing this school year since May.  Don't get me wrong, I have loved doing our year around schooling and the Early American history and taking two years to do it which really allowed for a lot of fun reading but the feelings of exhaustion came over me like a wave by the time winter break rolled around and I'm ready for a break!  And a change of scenery!

I am a realist though.  I know it won't take long for us to start getting crabby and discombobulated once we've been out of our daily routine for a few weeks, so I have been on the hunt for our 2015-2016 school year curriculum.  I am assuming we'll start back sooner rather than later.

I truly believe the Lord has guided me on my search for curriculum this year.  I feel like I'm looking at curriculum with fresh eyes.  We've been doing basically the same "core" for so long, when I think back on many of our curriculum choices, we've been doing them for over 3 yrs.  This year I've chosen things that, perhaps, in years past I wouldn't have looked at or bothered much with(usually for the sake of simplicity).... and while I feel like we are finally in that groove to know what we like and don't like.... I also feel like I'm able to distinguish pretty quickly whether something will work for our students.  I also seem to be going for a fun factor this next year!  I want our curriculum to be solid and worth the money, but after so many years of doing things because "I found it on sale" or "At Goodwill", this year I want to choose items because I love it or I think it'll work well.  (Hope all this makes sense to someone!)  We're going to try a few new things this year and break away from some long time curriculum sources in hopes to find something that works and adds some fresh air to our homeschooling.

We are finishing up our fifth year of homeschooling and its hard to believe that its flown by as fast as it has!  We just keep truckin!  I am very thankful to the Lord for the opportunity and privilege to educated our children at home.  Most days (and seasons) I enjoy it.  Looking back, the toughest homeschooling seasons were with babies and toddlers.  Seems like, while I still have struggles with different children/areas, we've finally gotten into a groove of "knowing what we're" doing.  And having no babies or toddlers helps a lot.  (Not that I wouldn't snatch up a babe in an instant if given to me!)

This past year was the first time we've had a successful read aloud "season".  For years we've been doing read alouds, with all the children in the room, and its been difficult.  Lots of stopping and starting.  Difficulty even finishing a book.  Most books seemed like a huge chore to open up and try to start.  I wanted to be able to read aloud to all and cultivate a love of books and I did not want to exclude anyone by doing it during rest/nap time, but the constant interruptions made it very exhausting.  This past year, though, we started up our new read alouds right after we moved and settled a bit and we've finished so many books.  So thankful for the stories and memories we've been able to make this past year.  I definitely encourage all homeschoolers to grab a great book list for family read alouds and try it!  Even if you do have babies!  I think of read alouds and such as habit training.  Kinda like keeping your children with you during church service.  It takes a lot of dedication and hard work and many moments of praying and missing service, but once the child learns the habit, as Charlotte Mason says " The mother who takes pains to endow her children with good habits secures for herself smooth and easy days; while she who lets their habits take care of themselves has a weary life of endless friction with the children” (Vol. 1, p. 136)." (the rest of this is available from Simply Charlotte Mason- called Smooth and Easy Days as a free downloadable).  I feel like, as stated, we've finally developed some fruits of the labor.  Every day isn't perfect and we are still in the midst of training, but slowly and surely, we are getting through books and enjoying them!

This next year we will have 3 official students in our schoolhouse and I am having a hard time believing that we have reached this season in our home schooling.  Bubbie will be in 5th(ish) grade.  Peanut will be in 3rd(ish) grade and Buggy will be in Kindergarten.  Millie will continue to do all combined subjects with us (such as history, science, read alouds, poetry, art, nature walks, geography, memorization, hymn study, etc).  The only thing she won't do will be seated work such as math, copy work, etc.  She has already requested "school books" so I will purchase her some Rod and Staff preschool books.  We've used Rod and Staff with the two younger boys, during their preschool years, and they've all enjoyed them.  I hope to be able to utilize older brothers to keep Millie occupied for a few minutes each morning, while I focus on some one-on-one time with Buggy.

Below are the curriculum plans for our home schooling next year.  I still haven't decided when we'll finish up our current year and when we'll begin on the new year.  I'm still waiting to find out when a few summer camps will begin.  I have no doubt we'll begin our new year- at least- by the 2nd week of July, but even writing that out makes me laugh.  I seriously doubt we'll take off from April-ish to July-ish!  Seems like a long time to be out of the books and not really a "year around" schooling schedule!  Having the freedom to take off a month between Thanksgiving and Christmas sure was nice this past year so we'll see!  :)  I provided the links to many items below.

(all) Catechism- Westminster Catechism songs (if you have Amazon prime, these are free right now)

(G/C) Grammar- Phonetic Zoo

(G/C) Handwriting- Beginning Cursive Handwriting workbook

(G/C) Computer Programming- A club Hubbie hopes to start with area homeschoolers

(all) Read Alouds- selected books

(C/G) Independent Reading- selected books

(C/G) Bible Study Fellowship- Revelation

(all) Latin- Song School Latin kit

(all) Hymn study, Scripture memory, Poetry recitation- to be selected later on

(C/G) Copy work- Learning to Spell through Copywork

(all) Geography, History (America/World)- Simply Charlotte Mason Modern Times, Epistles and Revelation  w/ plenty of books to read along with the time period

(all) Science- Answers in Genesis God's Design- Human Body
(Hubbie is iffy on this one, so still searching but pretty sure we'll do a human body study)

(G/C) Math- Ray's New Intellectual Arithmetic/ Ray's New Practical Arithmetic (using the freebie from Ron Paul's curriculum online)

(all) Nature study-  using a Queen nature study- to be selected later on/with a weekly nature walk

(all) Poetry, Shakespeare (SCM- Jim Weiss audio), Art and Music Appreciation (SCM)- Not exactly sure what we'll focus on, but more than likely it'll be the same period as History- to be selected later on/and a day planned on to focused just these

(all) Art- ??? Any ideas on this one!  This is a weak area for me.  May just continue to do once-a-month art classes from a local art Mama!

(C/G) Typing- Typing.com (unless anyone has any suggestions?)

(all boys) Trail Life USA group- Something Hubbie is hoping to get started in our area for homeschoolers

Kindergarten-  No clue!  Still need to through what I have/ see what would work best for Buggy but he'll have his own math curriculum and we'll try to learn how to read and write!  Might continue with Heart of Dakota but not doing the whole curriculum.  :)

There ya have it!  It looks like a lot but it really isn't once you sit down and organize it.  Most of our days are filled with reading and read alouds.  I still lean towards a Charlotte Mason approach.  This year, though, I've taken quite a few ideas from Veritas Press.  I have learned the past few years that I definitely am not a classical style homeschooler.  We do utilize many of the ideas from Classical Conversations and still use their timeline cards and many of the songs, but we memorize things such as Scripture, poetry and hymns instead of dates and facts.  Hear me out though.  This doesn't mean I don't see great aspects from that style or that we'll never go towards a more classical education, especially as the kids get older, but for now, I love the reading focused education and hands on learning.  I also like doing a lot of focused learning on one time period or subject...trying to connect the dots of art, hymns and poetry from the same time period as we're learning in history.  I don't always organize it that way but its nice to be able to give the kids some connection between the subjects.

I think we can walk away for less than $300.  I have already purchased the Phonetic Zoo (buy used!) and hope to sell a few of the schooling items that we don't use to help pay for some of the book!  Homeschooling curriculum can get expensive.  Quick.  Especially once you add more kiddos into the mix.  I try to buy all of our books and readers used.  I utilize Goodwill, 2nd and Charles and used book stores, but I try to find everything on homeschool curriculum re-sell Facebook pages.  I actually have gotten several years worth of curriculum by just watching several of those pages.  Well worth the time on Facebook.  I typically try to do one run for supplies like crayons, art supplies, etc. right before schooling starts as well.  It usually doesn't last all year, but I know we are starting with everything we need.  Throughout the year I typically do buy more items like more books, resources, new curriculum that I see for a steal-of-a-deal.  I have a major book problem and love to have great books at our finger tips.  We don't utilize the library as much as we should.  I think I got burnt out on the library. So many hands. So many books.  So much to handle.  We've slowly started going to our local library here and I'm using the kiddos to help gathering and return books on time!  So far, we haven't had ONE fine!  A huge deal when I'm known as "we built you a new library wing" fine lady!  In addition to curriculum and supplies, we also pay for classes, co-ops and field trips throughout the year.  We try to budget for those ahead of time so that we know what is ahead.

We haven't decided anything on outside activities.  Up above I mentioned two "clubs" that we are hoping to get started for local homeschooling boys.  We'll see what happens with that.  The more time away from home, the less organized and focused I am on household and schooling and it takes away much needed "free" and outside play for the kids.  We definitely try to limit too many away from the house days.  Bible Study Fellowship has become a non-negotiable for our schedule but being out so late has definitely added some kinks to our schedule.  We aren't use to being out that late/getting kiddos into bed that late.  I am still praying about local co-ops and sports for next year.  Many of the sports programs require two practices a week plus a game and x 3 kids, it ends up with several people being gone every night of the week and once you add in BSF, etc no one is ever home.  One older homeschooling mother told me to enjoy these years of being able to limit and restrict too many outside activities, because the years would come all too soon when everyone will be going this way and that.  And I believe it.  And know this is a season.  I know there will come a time- soon- that passions will need to be explored and more outside learning and activity will be needed......  I just want to be wise in asking the Lord for direction on when and what.  We seek involvement in enriching activities... to walk along side our family in this season of home educating.  We don't seek "fluff" and extras just for the sake of socialization.  Hubbie and I only have our children- this age- for such a small season and its our hope to cultivate relationships and teach and disciple- inside our home- for this time.

Every year I pray over, research and ponder over what God would have us learn and be involved in... this year was no exception.  I'm sure as the time draws near and life happens, things may shift or get booted off, but the majority of the subjects above have been our core for a long time.  We've added a few new *fun* items like typing, computer programming and Trail Life USA but for the most part, we are enjoying all the other items in our day.  This next year I hope to make one day a week for things like art, poetry, latin, etc. These subjects tend to not get as much focus in our home as read alouds and math.  I think if I go into our year, planning on not doing our "core" work one day a week and "allowing myself" the freedom to set that aside and focus on some of our normally more neglected items, we'll be able to start fostering a deeper appreciation for art study, poetry and Shakespeare (a new one for us this year!).

One last word, I don't post this as a way of to compare or pass judgement on anyone.  This is just one Mama's ideas on such a wide wide world.  So many people have wonderful ideas and loves of different curriculum.  We each have to prayerfully consider what each child/family needs and run with it.

If you are new to homeschooling or unsure where to start, I highly suggest When You Rise Up by R.C. Sproul Jr and Educating the Wholehearted Child by Clay and Sally Clarkson (or any book by Sally Clarkson) Also, the Ultimate Homeschool Radio and Read Aloud Revival has wonderful podcasts to help encourage and inspire homeschooling parents on this journey.  There are so many wonderful resources out there "nowadays" and we are spoiled with so many options.  So often, too many options is to overwhelming.  Don't be afraid to try out an item and be willing to set it aside if it isn't working.  I've used many things over the years that don't work or we end up not liking.  Sometimes thats the only way to know!  :)

Happy Hunting!

Thoughts on Settling

This post is really intended for our children since the only people that really read the blog anymore are the scammers and the anonymous.  ;o)  

This blog (and my journals) has been set aside far too often the past year....life gets busy.  I am often tired after housework and feeding the family and schooling for hours.  There is always one more thing to do......and I often forget how much my children enjoy reading stories or seeing pictures of themselves.  They love looking over the memories and laughing together about something funny a sibling has said or done.  One day, they will all be grown, with families of their own, and I pray that they would be encouraged and blessed by the memories that I've written about- whether on the blog or in the journals.  This blog has always been a way for me to express myself- the good, the bad and the ugly- a form of therapy, if you will and a love letter, in a way, to my family....  I pray for my children to read these words and always see gratitude for the blessings, thankfulness for the long days lessons and strength and hope, that even in the midst of hardships, that the Lord is faithful and good and He loves us more than we can ever imagine.  

We have settled..... and feel settled.  Almost everything has found its home.  So much "work" remains to be done but the days are full and I think we all needed a break for all the projects.  We've established routines.... and broken them.  Curtains have gone up on a few windows and tacky, broken blinds have come down. We've gotten quite a few weeks of schooling under our belts.  We've celebrated several birthdays, holidays, our 12th anniversary and had happy family moments with company.  God has answered prayers and filled our new home with memories and peace.  The pool has been a blessing.  When we moved in, we dubbed the pool "our pond" but after we replaced some parts and a month of Hubbie spending countless hours cleaning it, it looks great and has become daily fun retreat for our family.  Hubbie also had his first trip back to MS for work last week.  We survived.  Barely.  (Thanks to Nana and Pops and many prayers.)

While we are settling, establishing routines and our house has become a home for our family, we are still trying to find our spot in the community.  Seeking a church for the last, almost 2 yrs, has been a time for Hubbie and I to talk, learn and debate.  While we know that there is no perfect church, we want the church that we attend to be a decision that we made with prayer and more importantly, where the Lord leads us..  I think the season without a church home has been good in some ways.  Not something I would seek out or encourage for others, but we've been able to pick apart what we believe and why we don't want to go to certain denominations.  For me, being raised in a works based denomination, and becoming more aware of Christ's grace and love every day, I think examining certain churches have been good for me to puts words with my thoughts and be able to articulate what I believe and why.  Since moving home, we have been regularly attending a church that we began visiting right before we left town..  The church has made some changes since we left and we have visited a few other places.  We wanted to make sure before placing membership anywhere.

In addition to the churchless-ness, which is nothing new, because we were churchless the entire time we were in Oxford, we are , in a way, community-less.  Its been sad for myself and the kids to lose our friends and our homeschooling community.  Its funny.  We were community/friend-less for so many months in MS but with each passing month, the Lord would bring encouragement, friendship and fellowship.  And we miss that familiarity and soul-feeding friendship.  Its funny.  We had it before we left and were content. Then we went through a season of loneliness.  The Lord blessed us with friendships and community.  And then we left.  Its not that we don't know people here and we haven't had opportunities to reconnect, but time has passed....people have moved on.....people have moved and changed and everyone is busy, etc.  I pray that our hearts will soon know true friendship and community in our new home again.

I've found myself, while walking through the house, thanking the Lord for His blessings of a earthly home and a place to find rest and peace, that I wonder out loud "how long will we actually be here?"  It probably stems from a place of negativity and perhaps- still -some bitterness from our journey to MS and back, but I sometimes don't have the willpower to control the thoughts of whether "setting up home" in this new place is worthwhile.  I have to chuckle to myself, because who really knows how long they'll be in their home?  Things change.  Circumstances change.  Peoples desires change.  Who knows where the Lord will lead as the years pass?  But as my thoughts turn towards doubting and negativity, I remind myself that if we do have to move away from home- for whatever reason- the Lord will provide.  Whether strength to get through the packing and moving (YET AGAIN) or finding those new friendships or another church search and provide buyers for our home.  Life is so uncertain.  We aren't promised time and so much of our journey to MS was an adjustment of my thoughts and priorities and beliefs.  Contentment wherever the Lord places us is difficult, at times.  Learning that "this world is not my home" yet longing and asking the Lord for a permanent place to call our own.

Bedtime has brought about sweet memories in the making.  The kids have been requesting hymns to be sung before bed.  A child or two usually request a hymn, in addition to Jesus Loves Me or Jesus Loves the Little Children.  Hubbie then sings each child "Good night, Little X, Good Night.  Good Night to you."  Not sure which show this little diddy belongs to, but the two little ones have asked for it each night since moving home.   Daddy always sings it to the big ones as well, even though they insist they hate it! ;o)  Listening to all their sweet little voices, proclaiming truths and glorifying the Lord, brings tears to eyes each and every time.  Some nights I'm so tired and frustrated with a child (or two or three or four) or the lack of obedience as we do our night time baths, teeth, pjs, etc. etc. etc. and I have to close my eyes, retrain myself to be still and enjoy that moment.  We always do a prayer time and the kids request to pray or ask for specific things to thank the Lord for... usually a stuffed animal or person or toy.  Sometimes its been serious, like our sweet second born, praying for Daddy to not be "da' stressed" (meaning stressed... coming from our days of living in MS and praying for our sweet man) or for healing on an issue whether physical or spiritual.  I pray our children will grow up to be pray-ers.  I read something recently that spent a whole chapter on how important it is to tell your children what God has done in your life and thats what I've been trying to do in our morning circle time.  Its become a privilege to share and tell the kids what God has done for me, for our family...answered prayers, the faithfulness of the Lord during seasons of hardships and trusting in the Lord even when it may seem silly.

Our circle time each morning has become a sweet time as well.  The littlest one usually stares off into space, in her own world or colors while we do it, but the big ones seem to have caught on to the routine.  Each day, after morning chores and getting dressed, but before we begin our schooling, we gather for circle time.  We typically do this around the school table, but some mornings, we snuggle up on the couch.  We always do our devotional of sorts, whether a daily reading in the children's Jesus Calling or an organized curriculum from a local Bible study.  We also work on our monthly memory verse and hymn.  I try to pick a Scripture verse and hymn that we can tie together.  Some months it hasn't worked out that way.  We usually tie in a little history lesson about the author of the hymn and sing the hymn as well.  Afterwards, we do prayer time and Mama gets prayed-up before we do schooling.  Most of the days, the boys do a great job- obedient and focused.... but schooling the kids and trying to keep the little two entertained and quiet can be challenging.  Schooling has begun to take quite a few more hours, the more kiddos we include in our lessons.  While I know this should and is my main focus of the day, cooking the three meals a day, snacks and caring for the home often get pushed to the side.  By the time schooling is finished, I'm pretty much done with anyone and everything.  Hubbie doesn't complain EVER, but not having unlimited hours to cook, bake or clean.... (or if I'm being honest- sew or read) gets old.  Organization, scheduling and my attitude are what I'm working on right now.  :o)  And learning that this is a season.... to embrace, learn and take the challenges as they come.

We added a new little member to the household.  We brought home Gnocchi a few weeks ago.  She was the cutest kitten and has been very easy until the last week or two.  Now she is knocking things over, jumping on everything and breaking too many things.  The kids think she is fantastic.  The kitten puts up with A LOT of torture love and I'm grateful we haven't had any major injuries.  Gnocchi usually gives a good warning when she is irritated, but the three little ones ignore her... which often results in scratches.  :o)  We hope she settles down QUICKLY because all the jumping and breaking of things is getting old.

Buggy is begging for a puppy so we will see what happens with that.  The idea of being responsible to feed and care for another living thing has me thinking I am insane for even THINKING about it.  We also hope to have a little staycation in the next few weeks with Hubbie taking some time off.  It would be nice to have a few days to do some day trips or just hang out at the house.  We have had a full and fun June.  Our cousin came and visited for a few weeks.  Our schedule was thrown out the window and the kids had so much fun with their cousin....  playing and fun crafts with Nana.  Special dates and lots of spending the night together.  We swam a few times and I don't think we had any fighting when we were with sweet cousin.

July is always fun with learning about Independence Day in our reading and celebrating the 4th and Millie's birthday.  Millie will be 3 yrs old this year and we are grateful for her.  She is giving me a run for my money every.single.day and keeps me on my toes.  She is potty training and its been a long few months of accidents and little sleep.  Hoping we're on the upswing!  She is my little shadow, keeps us laughing and nothing much interests her for very long.  She loves painting and Doc McStuffins' and being a ballerina.  She adores her brothers and loves following them around.  She talks and talks and talks.  And talks some more.  She is a chatter bug.  Our chatter bug!

What We're Reading....

Hubbie and I are reading through this David Platt book.  So good.  I wanted our small group to go through it together, but I think we've decided to wait on a study.  

The kids and I have been reading through this book.  Its been really good.  Bubbie loves learning about all things presidents/geography/history!  I don't know how accurate the book is, but so far, we are enjoying it.

I purchased a used copy of this book online for $2.  Can't beat cheap!  The study has been anything but cheap though. So insightful.  After our Explorer's Study on the Names of God- this has really given me another layer of knowledge of who God is.  A little bit of a deeper study as well.  I have missed my usual group/summer Bible study back home and really couldn't find anything for the summer here.  

When I saw this, I thought this might keep me in the routine of waking early/having my 

quiet time before kiddos get up.  It has definitely helped to have something.  

I am looking forward to our Explorer's study starting next month though!  

Finishing up this book......  Powerful.  Convicting.  

I'm thinking the next book I'll start will be light and fluffy!  ;o)

Loss

I am running around doing laundry, baking and mixing snacks, mentally making a to-do list and trying desperately to keep my kids occupied so that I can do this all in quiet!  HA!  That last part was a joke!

 We will be attending my grandmother's funeral sometime in the next few days.

We got the call last night that my Granny had gone to be with Jesus.  My mother said that she had a hard day....

At this time I don't have the words to articulate what I am feeling....  I'm sad for my grandfather, Mama and my mother's sisters.  I'm mostly sad for them.  I'm sad for the family.  I'm sad that I am 30 yrs old and I don't have a grandmother to call and talk to anymore.....I think its just the loss that I am feeling....and the beginning of an era in my life.

Its funny.  We've been preparing for this for a while.  Seems like when we saw Granny in April, we knew she was different....changed....not there any longer.  I began to grieve for her then.  Then over the last week or so, waiting and wondering when the phone call would be was hard too.  Not knowing when we'd have to pick up and go, etc.  I think deep down I was wishing she'd wake up, be all better and things would go back to the way they use to be.  Wishful thinking.  Childish.  I know.

I couldn't have asked for better grandmothers.  They were intentional with us, spent time with us, interested in what we wanted to talk about...My granny was always being silly...singing songs.... making voices while reading us books.... she was so creative....she would make up stories and was so very talented.   They loved us so much and we ate up all the attention they poured into us.  What wonderful memories they made with us on trips, outings and just spending summers with them.  What a blessing it was to have two fantastic, God loving women in my life for 30+ yrs.  I will treasure every memory of each one of them in my heart.  The only comfort that I find right now is that I know I will see them again one day..... but oh, how I long to have just one last conversation with them both.  I guess I thought Granny would be around longer...that the disease wouldn't take her so quick, hoping to visit her one more time so that I could tell her how much she meant to me.  Shoulda Coulda Woulda, huh?

Good-bye Granny.

Honesty and the Hard Truth

We've been in Mississippi for three weeks now.  We've seemed to have gotten a daily routine, finding our way around town, figuring out what is and isn't available as far as food and restaurant options, etc.  The kids and I have only had the car on Bible study mornings so we haven't done much exploring yet.  Hopefully soon (once Millie quits being miserable with teething 6 teeth at once!) we can start heading out to the library, parks, field trips, etc.

Hubbie has been searching for a vehicle to get him to and from work since he cannot ride his bike.  We could share a car, but we've had one car since March and I am done.  If I think about it and go with what my head says, I think "OK.  We'll just deal." but I am almost fussy about it.  I am so done with one car.  I've been (practically) begging my husband for another vehicle, but because he rode (or took the car on days we were not going anywhere) most everyday, it wasn't a huge deal.  Towards the end of our time in Georgia, he was working 12+ hrs a day and it was too late for him to ride home, we had to go get him.  We did that for a few weeks or maybe three...and it was getting REALLY old.  Twice a day.  Late pick ups (or him just sleeping at the office, etc) Anyway.  We can't pay cash for a car.  We are no longer debt free.  The move and other things have pushed us into credit card debt.  Something we hoped and prayed would never happen.  Sadly, we had no choice.  Well, we had choices, but some things were out of our control.  Its done and there it is.  One of the many things that have sent me into a slight depression.  So, purchasing the car without cash, again, will push us further into debt.

A lot of the things we were told about the town haven't exactly come true.  Mississippi is different.  Much different.  One thing is that everyone said it would be a much cheaper place to live.  Guess what?  Its not.  Not only that, churches have been incredibly difficult.  The two places we've been haven't been overly welcoming.  Actually the place we went on Sunday, we could visit for weeks and go unnoticed by everyone except for the people we passed off the kids to in the children's area.  It was that big and busy.  We desperately miss the church we found right before we left town.  We're kinda at a cross roads.  Do we go somewhere that we don't enjoy the services just for the social aspects?  I don't know.  It goes against everything we believe.  There just isn't much passion or movement in any of the services.  Where are the passionate people on fire for Christ?  I miss songs that make you cry.  Reverence and awe for the Creator- the reason we are AT church.

I miss our friends desperately.  The ability to just show up and know women and their kids and for someone to care about us and how we are doing.  Just.can't.beat.it that you belong feeling.  Knowing they believe in the same things you do.  Kids get along.  You can talk for hours while the kids play.   Homeschooling groups are another difficult thing to find here. I finally talked to someone the other night and sounds like their group might be a good fit and were open to new members.  We'll see if it works out.  I really really really hope it does.  I'm anxious to make connections and friends and just to belong.

I thought about something the other day.  I miss hugs.  You know.  Good hugs from friends as you leave their house.  Or as you leave your parents house.

Our house has had little movement.  Until it sells we're paying for a rental here and our mortgage in Georgia. Plus utilities for both (although the ones back home shouldn't be large...otherwise we have a BIG issue).  We are prepared to lower the price and will probably do that soon.  We don't really know whether to rent it out, but then we can't buy and we're stuck moving to another rental or renting for longer than a year, etc.  I feel so displaced and like this is just a temporary place.  I know God's got it all under control.

The house (after the initial troubles) has worked out great.  We've been able to make a schooling area in the living room and its awesome to have two tables to work out.  The boys have Legos out on the living room table most of the time and to have the ability to still do school or eat at the kitchen table has been a blessing.  The laundry closet is in the kitchen so I've had to stay on top of the laundry in order for us to be able to eat in the kitchen.  Thats been nice to have a handle on that.  Two bathrooms with two showers/tubs has been really nice.  We only had one in Georgia.  It wasn't a huge deal.  Most of the time we throw all three boys in a shower together, but the space has been extra nice.  We have a garage and its our storage room right now.  One day (when Hubbie finds time!) we need to put all the things we don't plan on using for the next year up in the attic and sort through and purge.  We've already purged things before we left and we're finding little odds and ends that need to go because they don't fit or just aren't a necessity.  Moving so often definitely helps with clutter.  :o)

Hubs really likes his new job.   Plus he has been super busy since we moved in.  He was contacted by his former employer to do some side work.  It was a blessing and the $$ is much needed, but its required a lot of late nights.  On top of that, my husband is such a go-getter, he is doing some online classes to stay up-to-date on the latest programming stuff.  I gotta say, no matter where my husband goes, he always makes himself a valuable employee.  I complain a lot that he never comes home when he says he will, etc. and it gets OLD.  Probably one of the most frustrating things in our marriage.  But he is already getting much praise and encouraging words from his boss and other co-workers about his performance and skills. I am thankful for such a hardworking husband that doesn't ever do a crappy job.  Whether at work or at home, he always gives his all.   God is good.

The other day a lady said "you are such a good wife for moving for your husband"  I had to laugh.  If she only knew.  (I told her I didn't deserve her praise)  The other night we had some bad storms.  Well, I guess by Mississippi they weren't bad.  I don't really know whats normal here yet.  The wind is incredible.  There have been very few days without wind.  And there are mountains/elevations here?!  Crazy.  Anyway.  I asked my husband why people would move here if they are always worried about tornadoes.  It wasn't a mean question and I meant it, seriously?  why?  if you are always going to hide in the closet.  2nd time since we moved.  But it makes him sad when I say things like this.

The kids are adapting as best they can.... but they miss friends and routines and activities and just a normalcy.  They miss Nana and Pops a lot.  Bubbie is the most vocal about his feelings.  I know it makes Hubbie very sad when anyone is upset about the move.  Moves like this definitely test marriages.  Its already tested ours more than I thought it would and its only been three weeks.

One of the hardest things here has been food.  There aren't several places to shop at.  Well, I take that back.  There is probably a handful of places to shop out within the town.  We can drive 20 mins to a hr away for other options.  But locally, there isn't any organic produce.  There are two places that offer CSAs that we need to look into.  The grocery stores (Kroger, Wally World and a local mom and pop store) don't sell organic produce.  Weird.  The other day a Kroger ad had advertised organic produce!  I was excited until I saw the options- onions, apples, pears.  That was it.  The only organic they need?!  Hubbie and I are assuming the majority are college kids so they want cheap.  The rest probably don't care.  And if they do, they drive up to Memphis and go to the Whole Foods.  Possibly an option for our family, but only once a month...and not sure its a great idea with sales tax being higher, driving that far, etc.  So, our solution is to get what we can get from the local farmer's market store (meat, butter, milk), do the CSA for the veggies and order all the bulk items that we use to get from Earth Fare from Amazon and the rest, just make do with what is at the store.

I have realized a lot about myself in this move.  I was spoiled.  Way spoiled where we came from.  Augusta never seemed big.  I always envied bigger towns with activities and museums and fun attractions.  Silly me.  Food prices and options and convenience.  Just can't beat it.  Oh and guess what?  I complain way too much.   Too much.  Churches.  The options. Home had so many more.  Wow.  Its amazing.  And options for homeschooling groups and co-ops.  So many back home.  So few here.  So many homeschoolers are off the radar in MS......  Odd.  So, my lesson to walk away from this is to be thankful for what you have, in the Season you have it.  I've been playing the Pollyanna game a lot.  As I begin to complain about life, I remind myself of the things I AM thankful for.  Life is not perfect right now.  Life is ugly and bitter and hard and lonely.  God continues to meet me even on  my ugliest of days.  He is continuing to teach me, mold me and guide me.  I have so far to go.  Its amazing how ugly and yucky you can be when you aren't happy, huh?

I pray, one day, when these difficult days are past us, and this has become our home, I'll look back and remember.  Its always amazing to look back on difficult days, after God has seen you through, provide for and carried us...once you look back, you realize how small and silly you have been at worrying and crying and complaining.  The story of Noah has been studying numerous times in our home, but this past week, we've been studying it again at home and at Bible study.  Some of the things that have been revealed to me in a new way was of complete reliance on God during that time.  I mean, building the ark for YEARS and believing during that time.  Plus, can you imagine Noah's daughter in laws?  Leaving their families?  Believing their father-in-law?  You just wonder what was said.  You always read about Noah being righteous but the sons and wives had to have had difficult days or unbelief?  .  Also, going back to read the Scripture and thinking about living in a boat or a floating box with no land in sight... might be kinda scary after a year of floating, right?!  And what about the people crying or trying to get into the boat after realizing they were about to die as the earth began to flood?   They had to be people they lived with and cared about?   Just all sorts of things reminded me that God has got our lives covered.  He is big enough for my little problems......just need to surrender to Him.  We've been singing Trust and Obey this week in our morning devotional time... seems fitting doesn't?

Oxford, Mississippi is the new HOME

Well, we are here.  Oxford, Mississippi is our new home as of Tuesday.  It doesn't feel like home.  Feels like this is where we live....but Georgia is home.  Funny thing.  A neighbor from the first house my family lived in when we first moved into Augusta was always asking me if Augusta was home yet.  I always said no.  It didn't feel like it.  I had just moved from Texas to Georgia.  We knew no one.  We were beginning homeschooling which felt (honestly, at the time) claustrophobic and life was just different.  Now, after 21 years of living in the same town.  After being married and having four children there.  Starting our family and lives.  Buying our first home.  Augusta is definitely HOME.  And I miss it.

We had a rough start on Tuesday in town, but thankfully the issue was resolved and we've made the best of the situation.

Total of three-and-a-half-weeks, we prepped our house for sale, found a rental in MS, put our home on the market, packed and moved 8 hours away.  Along the way, we had many tears, many times of questioning our decision, especially when the old job offered multiple counter offers, it was VERY tempting to just stay.  It would have been a whole lot easier.  Something kept us going though.  Maybe it was our word to the new company.  Maybe it was the promise of a better type of lifestyle.  Maybe it was for something new for our family.  Whatever it was, something kept pushing us along.  There were many times that I wanted to run and hide and scream.  I know now that I was in denial.  I have never had a problem packing a house up before.  Whenever I know we need to move, I start packing THAT day.  I tend to pack most of the house up as the weeks go by and then Hubbie helps me do a mad dash the week of a move, but this time, I didn't start until about a week before we left.

My parents have been such amazing support.  My mother prayed for us, encouraged us, searched the town for boxes, bought boxes and tape, packed, cared for the kids and many other things that I don't even remember.  My dad helped move things, pack, put up crown molding, offered encouragement and wisdom as we made this decision.  I am forever grateful for their help.  I know its sad to say, but I moved away from my parents after 30 yrs of not really ever being away from them.  I moved to Nashville for a summer, but I was so in love, I couldn't stand being away from Hubbie.  I only lasted about two months....BUT I lived with family and was surrounded by family the entire time.  I never felt like I left my parents.  And now I have.

I am terribly homesick.  I miss familiarity.  I miss knowing where everything is.  I miss friends so so so much.  I miss our home.  I don't feel AT HOME here.  Maybe because we know its temporary.  Maybe because we aren't personalizing it like we've done with other rentals, etc.   I am lost in Oxford.  I feel invisible.  For it being a small town, its busy.  It feels so rushed and crowded.  I know school is in session and its a college town AND we are VERY close to everything (SCHOOL) which has its goods and bads...... but I want to run away and just sit and be alone.  But there isn't anywhere quiet to go.  LOL

My husband has been incredible.  A rock for me to lean on the past few days.  I know he's worried about me, not wanting me to get depressed or sad or resentful for him for making this move.  The last two days I have cried every time someone called or texted me.  I have had a huge knot in my stomach and I have had no appetite.

Today has been a bit better.  The kitchen doesn't look like boxes exploded.  Everything is in its place.  We bought groceries tonight so I'll be glad to start making food at home and not eating out as much.  Sadly, our natural/organic foods aren't as accessible here.  I was slightly depressed at our grocery cart.  It was full of crap.  The best "crap" you can buy, I guess.  HAHA!  But I had to ignore some of the labels.  It was just too depressing to look at.  Who would have thought that Augusta was "up and coming" when it came to grocery stores?!  You would think a college town would have some kind of shop.  We know it has one, in downtown, so we'll have to go check it out.  Along with the Saturday Market.  We did find a homeschooling Mama that sells her eggs and makes soap!  Two things we needed to find!

Tomorrow my precious baby boys come home and my parents are coming for the day.  Yay!  Very excited to have my whole family under one roof.  Hubbie thinks that I'll feel 10x better once I have everyone here.  And he's probably right.  I hate not having all my chick-a-dees with me.  I always feel like puzzle pieces are missing.

We already have our first Sunday of church hopping planned.  Its actually the first church we found, when we began to talk about moving to Oxford.  I dread the process.  The fake "hey, how ya doing?" and chit chat that always happens when you start visiting churches.

Bubbie and Millie have been troopers.  They did excellent on the drive from home to Oxford.  They were troopers on Tuesday when I felt like my world was crashing in around me.  They have been troopers while Mom and Dad have unpacked and moved furniture and been way too busy to think about what time it was and that it was a hour past lunch, etc.  Bubbie has been such a fantastic boy.  Aside from withdrawals from his little brothers,  the fact that his Mother is a blubbering fool and that he's had more soda in the last few days than he has had all year long, he continues to be a helper.  He occupies Millie, helps move boxes and has been so easy going!   Millie has done really well.  She is completely off schedule and seems to be so sleepy.  She is still on Eastern Time and its totally got us messed up on meals and sleep patterns and everything.  And, of course, she's cutting molars!  But aside from that, she's done MUCH better than I thought she would.

I'm emotionally and physically exhausted.  I really don't know how we've done everything we have had to do.  God has been our source of help, because, honestly, I don't even remembering packing.  I don't even know how I found the time?  Or how was it that easy and the last time was so terribly difficult?   A friend suggested that the quickness of all the events were like a band-aid being ripped off.... doesn't hurt as bad.  Maybe she's right.  Maybe  I haven't had time to process the "loss" because we've been so busy/it all happened so fast so my mourning time will be shorter?  LOL  I don't know.

Hubbie starts work on Monday.  We have our first Bible study on Wednesday.  As soon as we entered the Chick-fil-A, here in Oxford, on Tuesday, Bubbie found an Upwards brochure, so we'll be signing him up for bball soon.  I had planned to do Classical Conversations but then we couldn't find a house, so I told the gal we'd hold off.  Now I can't decide if I want to have another obligation in the morning.  I'm not gonna decide for a week or two.  I'm gonna let my mind, heart and body heal and recover.  Then I'll start making decisions.

Prayers are appreciated and much needed.  :o)

Good-bye 20's! Hello 30's!

This past weekend I turned 30 years old.  Hubbie and I were thinking back over my 20s.....such a busy 10 years.  I changed and grew.  I made plenty of mistakes.  Thankfully, God is full of grace and mercy, forgiveness and restoration.... We had plenty of highs and lows!

Shortly after I turned 20 years old, Hubbie and I got married.  A few years later, we welcomed Bubbie into our family.  During those early years of our marriage, we had plenty of lows in our marriage... and financially.  Thankfully, the middle of the 20's were a bit happier and as Hubbie and I like to say, we weren't as stupid!  Our marriage was restored and we had Peanut.  I became a stay at home mom.  Towards the end of my 20's, we had Buggy and Millie, finished paying off $50,000, bought a house and became debt free.

The one goal I made for myself (may be sad to many!) was to have four babies and to be done with birthing them by the time I was 30.  I achieved that!  While I still wish I didn't have to have four c-sections and that my insides would be able to carry more, I am very thankful to be healthy and able to our four beautiful and healthy children.  No matter how difficult our days have been or will be, I love my life and my family.  We are indeed blessed!  I wouldn't trade these precious babes or our days homeschooling for all the peace and quiet, coffee drinking and shopping days or for accomplished to-do lists!

I had a great weekend celebrating my birthday!  On Saturday my mother took Millie and I out for a day of antiquing, yard sale shopping, breakfast, lunch and lots of time to talk!  Millie soaked up all the girlie things and attention!  While the girls were having fun, Hubbie spent the day with the boys getting haircuts and preparing a fun evening for me!  I came home and the boys had gotten cards, gifts, cupcakes and dinner!  Oh and wine!  :o)  We had a fun birthday dinner!  Then we headed outside for some fun on the trampoline and a fun little water fight!  We haven't laughed that hard in a long time!

On Sunday, after church, Nana came over and took care of all four kiddos so that Hubbie and I could have an afternoon alone!  We headed out to lunch, frozen yogurt (my fav!) and some errands!  After we finished, we decided that it would be a great afternoon to do our annual strawberry picking, so we ran by the house, grabbed the kiddos and off we went!  Such great weather!  Always an experience to strawberry pick with 10 hands!  This trip went really quick with so many hands picking!  Next year, Millie will be right there with her brothers!

The weekend was great!  Little cleaning...... no cooking.... no laundry and all my favorites!  I couldn't ask for a better way to celebrate becoming 30 years old!  My family was sweet and made me feel loved!  I feel recharged and filled up!  Several times I thought, I shouldn't be having this much fun and have so little responsibility!?!  LOL  Always great to just BE!

Haven't really thought about what I'd like out of my 30's...or where I see myself in 10 years!  So many new things could be... and will be....  in 10 years we'll have a 17.5 yr old, 14.5 yr old, 12.5 yr old and an almost 10 year old!  So many things we'll be learning about and experiencing with the children growing up, plus with ourselves growing and changing... Lord willing, becoming more like Him.  Plus, many other goals, dreams and ideas that we hope on... maybe to have a few acres of land, more animals, becoming more self sufficient, still homeschooling and hopefully, a few other things.  Whatever is ahead, I continue to hang on to His promises.....

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, 

"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,

 plans to give you hope and a future."  

Jeremiah 29:11

Suffering....

I have fallen off the blogging wagon for a week or so....  I came down with a nasty nasty cold last Monday....followed by a nasty cyst {or two, or three, or five....or maybe I've lost count} and then we discovered a stye in my eye towards the middle of the week.  This is, of course, after a horrible week with the kids last week..... horrible attitudes, disobedience and just a rotten week of school.

I think we're done with school for the rest of the year and we'll try to start again, fresh, in January!  This Mama is tuckered!

I am very thankful that I have a loving husband to pick up my slack, that the kids haven't gotten the nasty cold as badly as I have {or have gotten the cold that Hubbie had the week before} and that I got all this nasty stuff two weeks before Christmas and not the week of!

Not I just gotta get better so that we can celebrate Christmas...... in 5 days!  :o)

Things I Ponder While Driving- September 2011

• First day my house has been quiet at nap time since.... hmmm.....  I don't even remember.  Buggy has been protesting nap time.  I will be victorious!  ;o)
• We have finished 40 days of school!  YAY!  Funny thing is that every week I do lesson plans and write down "1 lesson in x, y and z".  Guess what?  In language arts, we're already up to lesson 60.  Doing great and so proud of the progress Bubbie is making!  People ask, "How is it going?"  I give them an honest answer-  there are good days and bad days.  A lot more bad days, but I wouldn't trade it in.  I would miss them and these days way too much.  I dream about sending them to school, but I just can't right now, so we plug along!  I am not a saint.  I am not a patient person, but God gives me what I need each day and I pray a LOT.  
• I am super mom.  Hear me roar!  I took all four kiddos out to eat at Chick-fil-A this week during all our crazy out of the house activities.  :o)  We had one hour to spare between activities, it was lunch time and I wasn't "on top of it" that morning to make lunches to be eaten in the car and I felt pretty confident after our previous day outings that "I could handle it".  Well, we survived.....  only after Peanut almost got run over, but beside that, we did A-OK.  When will I try that again, you may ask?  Hmmm.....  in another month or two.... or three?!  
• Getting four kids, in and out of the car, and only one of them being able to unbuckle and buckle themselves, is a lot of work.  Geesh!   :o)  
• Reminder-  Do not let our 6 yr old listen to Focus on the Family....EVER.  One evening I was trying to find Adventures in Odyssey on the radio so that Bubbie could listen.  I guess the times have changed and instead of Odyssey, it was Focus on the Family's show.  Well, the guest was Kevin Leman and he was talking about teenagers.  The next night at dinner, Hubbie mentioned something about kids { not listening or something like that... just making a statement }.  Before we knew it, Bubbie sighed and said, "Yeah, just like those teenagers.  They don't "listen" either."  Oh my gosh. We DIED laughing.  My bladder can't take that kind of laughter anymore.  
• I hate when I don't meet my expectations.  Expectations are tricky little things.  And I hate that I set such high ones for myself {and those around me}.  Need to add that to my prayer list.  
• Did the unthinkable for Buggy's birthday.... and I could totally get away without anyone, but family, EVER knowing, but since I'm all about blogging the truth, I will let you guys in on a secret.  I made Buggy a cake for his birthday..... from a box and a can.  {GASP!}  I know!  I hate it!  I felt like a failure all day long.  Like I had cheated him from something.... there go those expectations that I have.  I just couldn't plan and organize and think through it enough to make something better.  Ahhhhh.... I really dislike boxed cakes and cans of icing.  Homemade is so much better and I haven't made a boxed cake in at least a year.  BOO!  
• Never sew without enough light.  Never sew at 1 am at night.  Lower expectations.  Nuff said 
• Old friend and I reunited on Facebook.  Brings back memories of happy, carefree, childhood moments. Why did I want to grow up?  
• All day long I hear, ALL DAY LONG, about Cars characters, what is on sale, what Bubbie wants for his birthday, how much it costs, how long it'll take him to earn it, etc. etc. etc.  Oh my gosh!  We've had it up to our eyeballs with CARS talk!  
• First day of co-op went well.  Baby did well.  Buggy did well.  Bubbie loved his classes- drawing, science and Lego building.  He especially loved the Lego building.  The teacher helps the kids build and then they program {computer or battery power} the structures to move and do things.  It is awesome and Bubbie is SO excited!  Co-op wore my children out.  Tuesdays are definitely going to be a strict DO NOT GO ANYWHERE, DON'T SEE ANYONE, ONLY DO SCHOOL, TAKE NAP kind-of-a-day!  
• Dare I say it..  Baby Girl is getting into a routine at night.  SHHHHHhhhhhh!!!!
• Local Facebook-ers have made several pages "yard sale pages" where people sell their items for yard sale prices.  I found a Mini Boden sweater/jacket for Baby Girl {who needs a new "name" for the blog} for $8!  Score!  When I can buy name brand and expensive items for my kids for cheap! cheap! I know I can turn around and sell it at next year's consignment sales for the same price or more!  Score!
• The pictures that our friend, Dana, took of the kids are awesome!  Love her!  Can't wait til family pictures in a few weeks!  I already have everyone's clothes planned, but mine...... 
• We had our first estimate for our laundry room "sinking" last week.  $9,000.  Yuppers.  Just as bad as we thought it was going to be.  When we discovered the issue and had a general contractor come out and look at it and confirm our findings, we prayed and asked God "Why this house?" and begging Him to provide.  The next day, the Lord answered our prayers in a mighty way.  It wasn't a $9,000 check in the mail or anything like that, but it was definitely a very loud and clear answer that the Lord is providing for us and that THIS is our home.  So hard to sit back and just wait for HIM, but time and time again, this year, He has proved to us that we are in HIS hands.  Reminded of Isaiah's BSF lessons last year......

To whom will you compare me?

Or who is my equal?” says the Holy One.

26Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:

Who created all these?

He who brings out the starry host one by one,

and calls them each by name.

Because of his great power and mighty strength,

not one of them is missing.

27Why do you say, O Jacob,

and complain, O Israel,

“My way is hidden from the LORD;

my cause is disregarded by my God”?

28Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The LORD is the everlasting God,

the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

and his understanding no one can fathom.

29He gives strength to the weary

and increases the power of the weak.

30Even youths grow tired and weary,

and young men stumble and fall;

31but those who hope in the LORD

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

• God's timing never ceases to amaze me.  Just months before I needed the words and lessons from Isaiah, I signed up and began the BSF lessons on Isaiah.  I had never studied Isaiah.  Read very little of Isaiah.  I refer to the Scriptures and lessons so much.  God is good.  
• Favorite book since homeschooling has been  Seasons of a Mother's Heart.  I laugh, I cry, I meditate on the Scripture and wisdom.  I definitely don't pull this book out often enough.